Chocoffee
Impact
Poland sits at the crossroads of east & west Europe, or more accurately its battle grounds. One minute the Nazis are at the front door, the next it’s the Soviets knocking out back. So they can be forgiven for being a little paranoid schizophrenic... like chocolate & coffee getting blended up into this name here. But the tastes are anything but: segregated & stacked, with chocolate in keeping with realpolitik – a POW gone MIA.
Presentation 3.1 / 5
Hassidic-looking grey matter: plain corrugated cardboard shipping box; recessed dull finishes on oversized fractious pieces (a mix ‘n match of molds & enrobe’ds); judging by appearances, could go either way – into a meltdown or a mushroom cloud
Aromas 2.6 / 5
candy-funk: Hi-C Skittles over the rainbow to a pot o’ golden cheese
Textures/Melt 5.2 / 10
| Shells: | medium to thick gauge |
| Centers: | generally mealy |
Flavor 19.8 / 50
still in the Cold War; MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction) thru overkill
Quality 12.4 / 30
Hangover from the pre-Solidarnosc regime
Selections
| Couverture: | bulk |
Amaretto – fruited liqueur marzipan; on the edge of sweet-loading but never barrels over; good restraint
Geodesic Dome – Dark-on-Dark pepper; flame springs w/ focused back-biting sweet-heat cooled in a silk ganache of rather neutral cocoa flavor
Blue Cheese – a cheese shop; all cow / no cacáo (whatsoever)... just a stink o’ blue veined udder
Pineapple - frothy daiquiri action; just a sugar hangover w/ zero chocolate memories
Marzipan - good fill content; in fact, it’s all filling
Chocoffee Signature Piece - signed by Stalin himself; one would think this should contain chocolate & coffee but, no, those tricky Poles keep customers on their toes by being unpredictable (all part of the Orwellian Eastern bloc mentality that ‘yes’ is ‘no’ & both could be ‘maybe’ or vice versa; in this case, coconut marzipan w/ absent-flavored cocoa harkens back to the glory days when the Kremlin promised its satellite Warsaw comrades that Cuban coffee & cigars were forthcoming, only to be diverted to wherever the proxy war of liberation happened to be operating at that very moment
Red Baron - the flying ace - Manfred Richthofen - fallen out of the cockpit drunk on cough syrup
White - more marzipan spam
Heart-Shape Hempseeds? Or genuine kine rolled in thin chocolate? Either way, the high point of the collection, & exonerates all crimes against humanity committed in this box/hoax, earning Chocoffee immediate release from the gulag.
Geodesic Dome – Dark-on-Dark pepper; flame springs w/ focused back-biting sweet-heat cooled in a silk ganache of rather neutral cocoa flavor
Blue Cheese – a cheese shop; all cow / no cacáo (whatsoever)... just a stink o’ blue veined udder
Pineapple - frothy daiquiri action; just a sugar hangover w/ zero chocolate memories
Marzipan - good fill content; in fact, it’s all filling
Chocoffee Signature Piece - signed by Stalin himself; one would think this should contain chocolate & coffee but, no, those tricky Poles keep customers on their toes by being unpredictable (all part of the Orwellian Eastern bloc mentality that ‘yes’ is ‘no’ & both could be ‘maybe’ or vice versa; in this case, coconut marzipan w/ absent-flavored cocoa harkens back to the glory days when the Kremlin promised its satellite Warsaw comrades that Cuban coffee & cigars were forthcoming, only to be diverted to wherever the proxy war of liberation happened to be operating at that very moment
Red Baron - the flying ace - Manfred Richthofen - fallen out of the cockpit drunk on cough syrup
White - more marzipan spam
Heart-Shape Hempseeds? Or genuine kine rolled in thin chocolate? Either way, the high point of the collection, & exonerates all crimes against humanity committed in this box/hoax, earning Chocoffee immediate release from the gulag.