Impact
Hippo Bar – chocolate for a lazy horny hippopotamus. Instead of instant caramel, prepare to get rolled by roundhouse fat adulterated with all sorts of additive boosters (malt, brown sugar, vanilla extract as well as ‘vanilla flavoring’), just pimped & prostituted wholesale into blub whore well past prime.
Appearance 5 / 5
| Color: | browned strawberry-blonde |
| Surface: | blemish-free |
| Temper: | thin-skinned shine |
| Snap: | bullet w/ a silencer; leaving no trace markings on the edge |
Aroma 6.5 / 10
focused & concentrated cream caramel / malted egg cream
Mouthfeel 8.3 / 15
| Texture: | globules |
| Melt: | fried albumin |
Flavor 24.8 / 50
pure butter – essential bland fat -> long single malt chalk interrupted by savory element (salted herb, viz., thyme) -> glimpses a lonely strawberry -> back into the vat of fat
Quality 4 / 20
Broken, imbalanced, & devoid of shape/definition. Weighs in beyond obesity in every category except flavor. A snippy attitude permeates this flaccid product, as if Valrhona mutters under its breath ¨Huh, if they insist on this milk chocolate stuff, we´ll feed the little peccaries this stick of fat wrapped it in an obscure foreign name so they mistake it for class, the f*#king clochards!¨ Hardly rates analysis. 4 points out of 20 here on the sole basis it bothered to show up for the job.