NicChocolate
by J Sandy Hepler
Impact
Lookey here, Mikey... got these new toys for Xmas & just figured out now how to open them (it's called Luddite Delay). Now C-spot™ be like a real chocolate blog.
What's that?
Ya know, running lots of BIG pix that take up the whole page with maybe some teeny-weeny text in between, the stuff them call "fine print" for "fine chocolate".
Cool.
Yeah, cuz nobody reads text anymore. To prove it, here's a snatch:
This chocolate smells like the inside of granny's panties.
Oy! And how does it taste?
Like being smothered in granny's panties.
Good God, let's hope they're right... about nobody reading anymore.
What's that?
Ya know, running lots of BIG pix that take up the whole page with maybe some teeny-weeny text in between, the stuff them call "fine print" for "fine chocolate".
Cool.
Yeah, cuz nobody reads text anymore. To prove it, here's a snatch:
This chocolate smells like the inside of granny's panties.
Oy! And how does it taste?
Like being smothered in granny's panties.
Good God, let's hope they're right... about nobody reading anymore.
Appearance 3.1 / 5
| Color: | golden brown |
| Surface: | dusty |
| Temper: | matte |
| Snap: | plunks the test |
Aroma 7.2 / 10
musky & moldy spores atop dried wood 'n cocoa
Mouthfeel 11.4 / 15
| Texture: | grainy |
| Melt: | relaxed pace |
Flavor 37 / 50
jarring... literally & figuratively: raw cocoa edge -> plunges into wood mulch & mushrooms -> sprouts back out in a red-fruit apparition (sapote & pitaya) -> rounds into sweet chocolate before a bitter almond exit (almost aspirin & almond)
Quality 12.6 / 20
Every now & then it pays to slum into the shanties, the byways, & the roadside shacks that vend old-school chocolate.
Keeps the mission humble. A real reality-bite instead of the usual digital voyeurism.
No über-refinements, no Neiman Marcus-level packaging design, nor Bergdorf's price to match. Just salt-of-the-earth type stuff. Often very pre-Columbian. Rhapsodized in a generalized way as the 'idylls of paradise'.
Most prefer the grime & crime inside the urban jungles where smooth chocolate resides. This is not that.
The cacáo-hunter J. Sandy Hepler came across this at an outdoor farmer's market in Granada, NIcaragua. Exhibit 'A' of unfermented cocoa. Unbearably nasty material, he notes. Aging it for 5 years(!?!) only has a minimally salubrious effect. In its younger days it was even worse!
Brace for a warrior experience. The kind which early European colonists like naturalist Gonzalo Fernández de Oviedo, & that wandering Italian Girolamo Benzoni, deemed fit for pigs.
Proof-positive that modernity represents progress.
Not so fast.
While maybe a ways off from world class, this has redeeming characteristics nonetheless. And far from deterring J Sandy Hepler, it actually propelled him to dig deeper on his quest. He clambered about the Mombacho volcano area of Nicaragua. There he spotted several cacáo groves; some of formerly high renown in antiquity. Special finds one only comes across when getting off the grid & away from the well-trodden paths.
His explorations laid the groundwork for Nova Monda's spreads.
A cacáo of good bones & breeding, possibly a relic of old or a mix with some pedigree in its lineage.
For those who decry that unfermented cocoa is flat & vapid... well, only up to a point, after which they're flat-out wrong. Sure, fermented seeds can bedazzle the taste buds. And yet, fearing the nasty worst, this compound shows better than advertised; better than any hope Sandy held out for it.
'Pleasantly surprised' has never been so welcome.
Fact is, it's not so bad. Yes, it has a "raw"-like edge at the front & the end is aspirin bitter, but all in all fairly tolerable if not entirely edible.
Could be something to all this aging & Vintage Chocolate phenomenon.
From such incomplete treatment, this chocolate compares favorably well next to some truly disgusting slag.
Reviewed December 2011
Keeps the mission humble. A real reality-bite instead of the usual digital voyeurism.
No über-refinements, no Neiman Marcus-level packaging design, nor Bergdorf's price to match. Just salt-of-the-earth type stuff. Often very pre-Columbian. Rhapsodized in a generalized way as the 'idylls of paradise'.
Most prefer the grime & crime inside the urban jungles where smooth chocolate resides. This is not that.
The cacáo-hunter J. Sandy Hepler came across this at an outdoor farmer's market in Granada, NIcaragua. Exhibit 'A' of unfermented cocoa. Unbearably nasty material, he notes. Aging it for 5 years(!?!) only has a minimally salubrious effect. In its younger days it was even worse!
Brace for a warrior experience. The kind which early European colonists like naturalist Gonzalo Fernández de Oviedo, & that wandering Italian Girolamo Benzoni, deemed fit for pigs.
Proof-positive that modernity represents progress.
Not so fast.
While maybe a ways off from world class, this has redeeming characteristics nonetheless. And far from deterring J Sandy Hepler, it actually propelled him to dig deeper on his quest. He clambered about the Mombacho volcano area of Nicaragua. There he spotted several cacáo groves; some of formerly high renown in antiquity. Special finds one only comes across when getting off the grid & away from the well-trodden paths.
His explorations laid the groundwork for Nova Monda's spreads.
A cacáo of good bones & breeding, possibly a relic of old or a mix with some pedigree in its lineage.
For those who decry that unfermented cocoa is flat & vapid... well, only up to a point, after which they're flat-out wrong. Sure, fermented seeds can bedazzle the taste buds. And yet, fearing the nasty worst, this compound shows better than advertised; better than any hope Sandy held out for it.
'Pleasantly surprised' has never been so welcome.
Fact is, it's not so bad. Yes, it has a "raw"-like edge at the front & the end is aspirin bitter, but all in all fairly tolerable if not entirely edible.
Could be something to all this aging & Vintage Chocolate phenomenon.
From such incomplete treatment, this chocolate compares favorably well next to some truly disgusting slag.
Reviewed December 2011