Beef Jerky
by Wild Ophelia
Impact
What has all the whiff of a chocolate-beef jerk-off, turns out to be surprisingly fit enough to convert any unconscious vegan into a carnivore.
Appearance 3.8 / 5
| Color: | rawhide |
| Surface: | hoof prints; grease back |
| Temper: | plastic sheen |
| Snap: | foot 'n mouth disease |
Aroma 6.2 / 10
according to high-minded foodies this qualifies for "fine charcuterie"
in other words, smoked baloney to everyone else
in other words, smoked baloney to everyone else
Mouthfeel 10.7 / 15
| Texture: | tallow |
| Melt: | gritty rather than stringy |
Flavor 42.9 / 50
a shock choc right out of the gate -> bucks up against some salted potato (wait, is this that other bar?) -> shank steak wallows about all the fat, plodding around like a pig in... well, ya know, &, no, this be beef & chocolate so call it a savory milk shake whipped into móle
Quality 17.2 / 20
Those anticipating an 'Merican rodeo-in-the-mouth show are in for a bum steer as Ophelia gives this bar the petting-zoo treatment.
Mostly hat, little sizzle; & pals (for palates) in truth are much better off for that.
Quite balanced in fact. No bull. How'd that happen, Ms. Ophelia?
Beef well-contained / constrained; less a centerpiece, it serves more to darken the Milk Mockolate base into something that resembles real chocolate, no mean feat considering how Ophelia employs bland, generic couverture (re: flavor-free).
Exceeds expectations thanks to the accessories: Worcestershire sauce & liquid smoke conspire to impart a roasted Cajun style on otherwise bulk-grade beans of mass-production manufacturing. In the process, they also absorb some of the sugar onslaught.
If Ophelia recycles leftovers (which a good ol' forward-leaning frontier woman should since there are bound to be some of this), she can toss 'em together with her potato salad bar to sell yet another piece of spam: Goulash.
INGREDIENTS: sugar, cocoa butter, cocoa mass, dry whole milk powder, soy lecithin, vanilla, beef, water, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce [distilled vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, liquid smoke, flavorings], salt, paprika
Reviewed October 3, 2012
Mostly hat, little sizzle; & pals (for palates) in truth are much better off for that.
Quite balanced in fact. No bull. How'd that happen, Ms. Ophelia?
Beef well-contained / constrained; less a centerpiece, it serves more to darken the Milk Mockolate base into something that resembles real chocolate, no mean feat considering how Ophelia employs bland, generic couverture (re: flavor-free).
Exceeds expectations thanks to the accessories: Worcestershire sauce & liquid smoke conspire to impart a roasted Cajun style on otherwise bulk-grade beans of mass-production manufacturing. In the process, they also absorb some of the sugar onslaught.
If Ophelia recycles leftovers (which a good ol' forward-leaning frontier woman should since there are bound to be some of this), she can toss 'em together with her potato salad bar to sell yet another piece of spam: Goulash.
INGREDIENTS: sugar, cocoa butter, cocoa mass, dry whole milk powder, soy lecithin, vanilla, beef, water, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce [distilled vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, liquid smoke, flavorings], salt, paprika
Reviewed October 3, 2012