The Nib Bar
by Ritual
Impact
The U.S. Navy’s new LaWS (Laser Weapon System) death rays are not only real, but cheap.
"At less than a $1 per shot, there's no question about the value LaWS provides," says Rear Admiral Matthew L. Klunder. "This will more effectively… ensure our sailors & Marines are never in a fair fight."
Talk about more bang for the buck.
Lasers also take fewer crew members to operate. It can be fired by one sailor using a video game controller. To the soundtrack of Ancient Lasers, of course.
The Nibs in this bar act as a guidance system for bright waves of fruit arrays to hit their intended targets: T-buds everywhere (T for taste). Yeah its smell like bad sex but tastes like ‘let’s do that again’.
Unfair.
"At less than a $1 per shot, there's no question about the value LaWS provides," says Rear Admiral Matthew L. Klunder. "This will more effectively… ensure our sailors & Marines are never in a fair fight."
Talk about more bang for the buck.
Lasers also take fewer crew members to operate. It can be fired by one sailor using a video game controller. To the soundtrack of Ancient Lasers, of course.
The Nibs in this bar act as a guidance system for bright waves of fruit arrays to hit their intended targets: T-buds everywhere (T for taste). Yeah its smell like bad sex but tastes like ‘let’s do that again’.
Unfair.
Appearance 3.9 / 5
| Color: | sienna |
| Surface: | perforated Nibs to practically pierce the heavy duty aluminnum wrapper |
| Temper: | buffed vinyl |
| Snap: | a silencer stealth-bullet |
Aroma 7.2 / 10
after nearly 2,300 reviews & 3,000+ premium bars, a combo rarely perceived in chocolate together: sour sausage
Mouthfeel 13 / 15
| Texture: | glorious tatterdemalions |
| Melt: | hydrofoils by the halfway station |
Flavor 44.8 / 50
brown sugar over a splay of red berries -> stays with it as Nibs crunch down & bolster the structure with grit & Earthen elements, nuts among them -> blasts away on citrus, then limes out
Quality 17.4 / 20
Fun easy 'n breezy assemblage. Quite sweet for the percentage; doubly so considering the unsweetened Nib faction.
Most bars of this type get weighed down eventually by the Nibs. This almost defies flavor gravity & practically acquires loft the deeper in it goes. Much of that owes to utilizing light-breaking Madagascan cacáo for Nibs married to a Belize-sourced chocolate base. Together & apart they complement each other quite well, as such the case here.
The only missing note: core cocoa which equates into low-CQ (Chocolate Quotient or basal chocolate flavor). In other words: juicy but airy… thin. A blueprint incorporating more foundation plus a brake on the surprisingly fast Melt would power this into a full-on sensation.
Otherwise, a sound formulation & solid execution.
Reviewed March 9, 2015
Most bars of this type get weighed down eventually by the Nibs. This almost defies flavor gravity & practically acquires loft the deeper in it goes. Much of that owes to utilizing light-breaking Madagascan cacáo for Nibs married to a Belize-sourced chocolate base. Together & apart they complement each other quite well, as such the case here.
The only missing note: core cocoa which equates into low-CQ (Chocolate Quotient or basal chocolate flavor). In other words: juicy but airy… thin. A blueprint incorporating more foundation plus a brake on the surprisingly fast Melt would power this into a full-on sensation.
Otherwise, a sound formulation & solid execution.
Reviewed March 9, 2015