Camel Milk
by Al nassma
Impact
Is al-Nassma of Dubai in the Persian Gulf ready for the Western mediaverse, the press conferences, the PETA boycotts, & Fair-Trade certifiers? Plenty will want a bite of them after this Camel’s Milk Chocolate. Brace yourself:
Q: How many camels does it take to make a Milk Chocolate bar?
Q: Are these “open desert camels” (the equivalent of free-range chickens)?
Q: Do camels in Dubai receive organic feed? Do they receive adequate air-conditioning when temperatures rise above 120ºF & they become embroiled in the sun?
Q: Can you verify that these camels have never once been subjugated to inhumane treatment such as camel-jockeys whipping their humps & teets?
Q: If a camel, for whatever reason, says ‘no’... such as ‘no, I don’t want to be milked’; or ‘no, keep that hand grope off me’; & ‘no, I won’t...’ if a camel says any of that, does that mean ‘no’?
Q: How can consumers in the West be assured that the milk in your bars has not been obtained from a camel’s corpse whose bladder was knifed opened by Bear Grylls during an episode of Man vs. Wild?
Q: Considering how chocolate, especially Milk Choc, can be construed as a conspiracy from Western infidels, does camel's milk in any way absolve them from being labeled mohareb (enemies of God), a crime punishable by death?
Q: Any gay camels or is Iranian President Ahmadinejad correct in proclaiming there are no gays there?
Q: Finally, are your camels kosher? If so, how many synagogues are in Dubai & did Mohammed (PBUH) approve the rabbi?
(Psst, answer to the last one is, of course not... they've no cloven hoof.)
Q: How many camels does it take to make a Milk Chocolate bar?
Q: Are these “open desert camels” (the equivalent of free-range chickens)?
Q: Do camels in Dubai receive organic feed? Do they receive adequate air-conditioning when temperatures rise above 120ºF & they become embroiled in the sun?
Q: Can you verify that these camels have never once been subjugated to inhumane treatment such as camel-jockeys whipping their humps & teets?
Q: If a camel, for whatever reason, says ‘no’... such as ‘no, I don’t want to be milked’; or ‘no, keep that hand grope off me’; & ‘no, I won’t...’ if a camel says any of that, does that mean ‘no’?
Q: How can consumers in the West be assured that the milk in your bars has not been obtained from a camel’s corpse whose bladder was knifed opened by Bear Grylls during an episode of Man vs. Wild?
Q: Considering how chocolate, especially Milk Choc, can be construed as a conspiracy from Western infidels, does camel's milk in any way absolve them from being labeled mohareb (enemies of God), a crime punishable by death?
Q: Any gay camels or is Iranian President Ahmadinejad correct in proclaiming there are no gays there?
Q: Finally, are your camels kosher? If so, how many synagogues are in Dubai & did Mohammed (PBUH) approve the rabbi?
(Psst, answer to the last one is, of course not... they've no cloven hoof.)
Appearance 4.4 / 5
| Color: | slightly darker than camel brown: beautiful swarthy tan |
| Surface: | handsome mold; burps & grease spit on the back |
| Temper: | hi-wattage for Milk |
| Snap: | straight from the camel’s mouth: pierces loud & proud |
Aroma 8.6 / 10
horses may detest the smell of camels but this is semi-gorgeous... enough of an MC if a little intestinal w/ the added difference of big hazelnut rather than usual caramel -> vanilla on car leather -> shocks up roasted lilac-geranium (Huh? Sprayed to hide the fact of the source? Or some ‘desert-rose’... perhaps a new fragrance: Dramaderriere?) -> eventually favors peanuts, match sticks, & polyester
Mouthfeel 11.9 / 15
| Texture: | Playdoh™ & wax |
| Melt: | comes surprisingly true & equal to the length of how long camels give milk: about 90 seconds (that's all, folks) due, in part, to higher fat content than cow's milk |
Flavor 41.5 / 50
blows Dizzy Gillespie’s ‘salted peanuts’, then full blown Snickers™ -> cocoa fights for some tongue, finds next to none on a salt bender of plain caramel -> finally gets some as bar gives way to honey’d cocoa -> blue camomile -> rounds up a malt ball -> clears almond bark (both the dog & the tree); after siege brings gamey udder w/ iron
Quality 16.3 / 20
Dromedairy, pardon the spelling(s), magic act that leaves an impression. Get ready for a salt attack. Considering the ingredient list, this mimics candy bars fairly well until that bio-hazard ending.
Camel milk shows aplomb except its sodium should be filtered some in a desalination project, or the bar might benefit for a general reformulation (perhaps pairing it in tandem with cow’s milk). If just 2% camel’s milk in Al nassma’s 70% Dark accounts for a significant portion of the Flavor, then easy math can figure the result of 21% camel’s milk in a 31% cacáo-content base. It approaches overkill, expunges in the main all those florid aromatics, & stands out to the point of awkwardly hypo-integrated to risk the appearance of a marketing novelty when in fact it’s more than that.
No denying the uniqueness (whatever the color of the milk that blue camomile is a rarity) nor the suitability of camels for cacáo (they deliver activation & depth that cleaner creamier-tasting cows rarely match).
Could be revealing to take it out of Joseph Manner’s hands (the actual processor) & put it in the trust of a first-tier bar-smith.
ING: sugar, camel milk powder (21%), cacáo butter, cocoa mass, honey, vanilla
Reviewed October 2010
Camel milk shows aplomb except its sodium should be filtered some in a desalination project, or the bar might benefit for a general reformulation (perhaps pairing it in tandem with cow’s milk). If just 2% camel’s milk in Al nassma’s 70% Dark accounts for a significant portion of the Flavor, then easy math can figure the result of 21% camel’s milk in a 31% cacáo-content base. It approaches overkill, expunges in the main all those florid aromatics, & stands out to the point of awkwardly hypo-integrated to risk the appearance of a marketing novelty when in fact it’s more than that.
No denying the uniqueness (whatever the color of the milk that blue camomile is a rarity) nor the suitability of camels for cacáo (they deliver activation & depth that cleaner creamier-tasting cows rarely match).
Could be revealing to take it out of Joseph Manner’s hands (the actual processor) & put it in the trust of a first-tier bar-smith.
ING: sugar, camel milk powder (21%), cacáo butter, cocoa mass, honey, vanilla
Reviewed October 2010