Nectar of Gold Unicorn Sucker
by Cacao Yogi
Impact
In 1591, way ‘back in the day’ as they now say (snore), Dr. Juan de Cárdenas published Problems y Secretos Maravillosos de las Indias (The Problems & Secret Marvels of the Indies, by which refers to the New World possessions of Spain including South & Central America + Caribbean islands). He diagnosed raw cold chocolate as a “melancholic” aliment, having clincially observed that “the soul of the person who has eaten it, has left him”.
Seems little has changed in 400+ years.
The good doctor also warned that the bitterness in unroasted cocoa causes stomach pains (‘griping of the guts’ as they were wont to complain in the 16th century), headaches, jaundice, perspiration & hastens “expulsion of excrement”.
According to the raw-food tribe, those add up to awesome mind ‘n body reactions.
Sporting a surname to vibe with the territory, Nathaniel Sol, aka "Cacao Yogi", intuitively senses the findings of Dr. Cárdenas'. As a result he adds "nectar of gold" to his "raw chocolate" slabs.
More than a metal, this tincture of gold oil provides, according to Nathaniel, "the lubrication to blast off to the next level". Furthermore, he "sources the highest ingredients from the heavens... for if you savor & activate its delicate ambrosias through this process - enlightenment shall be attained instantly."
YMMV. Consume at your own risk.
Attunement thru Chocolate: skip religion, 8-fold paths, & prāṇāyāma... just eat this stuff -- a companion piece to the Intentional Chocolate infused with the Holy Spirit of the Dalai Lama.
Seems little has changed in 400+ years.
The good doctor also warned that the bitterness in unroasted cocoa causes stomach pains (‘griping of the guts’ as they were wont to complain in the 16th century), headaches, jaundice, perspiration & hastens “expulsion of excrement”.
According to the raw-food tribe, those add up to awesome mind ‘n body reactions.
Sporting a surname to vibe with the territory, Nathaniel Sol, aka "Cacao Yogi", intuitively senses the findings of Dr. Cárdenas'. As a result he adds "nectar of gold" to his "raw chocolate" slabs.
More than a metal, this tincture of gold oil provides, according to Nathaniel, "the lubrication to blast off to the next level". Furthermore, he "sources the highest ingredients from the heavens... for if you savor & activate its delicate ambrosias through this process - enlightenment shall be attained instantly."
YMMV. Consume at your own risk.
Attunement thru Chocolate: skip religion, 8-fold paths, & prāṇāyāma... just eat this stuff -- a companion piece to the Intentional Chocolate infused with the Holy Spirit of the Dalai Lama.
Appearance 4.1 / 5
| Color: | ravenous (black 'n purple) |
| Surface: | ahhh, how cute... a unicorn superimposed on the crescent moon (the kind of mould awarded X-tra bonus pts by most chocolate ratings sites) |
| Temper: | dim glaze |
| Snap: | new Zen koan -- the sound of a unicorn (bloop) |
Aroma 5.9 / 10
a great bar carries the memory of pulp sweetly embedded in the seeds transformed into chocolate; this instead bears the indelible stench of the ferment -- vinegar (ahh, but it's golden vinegar, a valuable balsamic aged about, well, a week or two)
Mouthfeel 7.6 / 15
| Texture: | immaterial powder |
| Melt: | faster than the speed of light particles |
Flavor 34.8 / 50
sickly sweet & cloying raisin juxtaposed on a hard edge bitter, the twain joined by a metal knife -> runs off on some terrifying astringency + a clump of dirt to remind that this is grounded in Earth
Quality 13.9 / 20
Priests & funeral directors quip that 'people are just dying to get to heaven.'
Gold congeals sunshine which the angelic orders hover above & therefore have little need of.
In his poem Questions About Angels, Billy Collins asks --
And that's nothing to die for.
INGREDIENTS: mysterious; CBS (Cocoa mass / Butter / Sugar ratio): weightless
Reviewed January 24, 2013
Gold congeals sunshine which the angelic orders hover above & therefore have little need of.
In his poem Questions About Angels, Billy Collins asks --
Do they sit alone in little gardens changing colorsThis bar renders false answers (No; Asleep at the Cosmic Wheel; Dust; Alloyed) except as it serves a reservoir for their golden showers.
What about their sleeping habits, the fabric of their robes, their diet of unfiltered divine light?
And that's nothing to die for.
INGREDIENTS: mysterious; CBS (Cocoa mass / Butter / Sugar ratio): weightless
Reviewed January 24, 2013